The Interview
by nightwire
Summary: The Teen Titans are being interviewed on a cable news channel. What can possibly go wrong?


(a missing fragment of "Love in the Time of Sakutia")

(dreeness version 2)

The Teen Titans are being interviewed on a cable news channel.

What can possibly go wrong?

the interview.

Larry: And, we are back. Talking with the Teen Titans, from Jump City. We will be taking your calls, in a few minutes. So, Robin...

Robin: Yes, Larry?

Larry: I was wondering, about your mask. Does it ever, you know, itch?

Robin: Actually, no, Larry. It's actually made from a special ultra-lightweight fabric, originally developed for NASA...

Beast Boy: Oh, here we go...

Cyborg: Yeah, again with the magic NASA space mask...

Robin: Well, it is. NASA, not magic, that is.

Larry: Not magic, the mask. I suppose if it was magic, we could ask Raven about it. Or is what you do, do you consider it magic, Raven?

Raven: Um, sort of. Well, maybe, um. It depends on how you define magic. Sort of. I guess.

Larry: You're not nervous, are you Raven? Because there is really, really nothing to be nervous about. Not compared to the things you kids do, with all the flying and the fighting, and the zipping and the zapping.

Raven: Um, thanks Larry, no I'm not nervous. The zipping and the zapping, yes um.

Beast Boy: Larry, she is soo totally nervous.

Larry: Well, you shouldn't be nervous, Raven. Beast Boy, I just realized, do you know, you remind me a bit of the young Danny Kaye? Just a bit, around the eyes. Not exactly, but a bit.

Robin: And, Danny Kaye wasn't green...

Cyborg: And Danny Kaye didn't have pointy ears...

Larry: Actually Cyborg, it's funny you should say that, because Danny did have slightly pointy ears, just a bit. So really, Beast Boy does look a bit like Danny, just around the eyes and ears, a bit.

Beast Boy: Well, that's just neat. Thanks, Larry.

Starfire: Yes, thanks Larry.

Larry: Ah, Starfire, why are you thanking me?

Starfire: Because you are both kind and wise, Larry.

Larry: Well, thank you very much indeed, Starfire. You know, you remind me of the young Shirley MacLaine, just a bit...

Starfire: Of course, you are not truly a king, however Larry.

Robin: Um, Star...

Larry: That's right, Starfire. So much like the young Shirley MacLaine, a bit. Now Robin, getting back to your mask...

Robin: Yes, Larry?

Larry: Your mask, you must be out in the sun quite a bit, in Jump City. Especially in the summer, do you notice, you know, uneven tanning, because of the mask?

Robin: Well Larry, I try to wear a good high SPF sunscreen, and reapply frequently, like we all should. But, to answer your question...

Starfire: Oh yes. The mask in the summer sun, it gives dear Robin's face the aspect of an enchanting young raccoon, Larry.

Robin: Um Star, remember we...

Larry: Starfire, so you have seen Robin without the mask?

Starfire: Oh yes Larry, I have seen Robin without the everything.

Robin: Ah, she's kidding, Larry. She's just kidding, kidding. Totally kidding. Please tell Larry that you're just kidding, Starfire. Just kidding.

Cyborg: Oh, oh Lord...

Beast Boy: Hoo-cha-cha...

Starfire: Apparently, I am kidding, King Larry.

Larry: Just kidding? You kids, always with your kidding and clowning around. Especially you, Beast Boy. A lot like the young Danny Kaye, a bit. And, we have our first caller on the line. Mary-Lynn, from Bangor Maine. Hello, Mary-Lynn. From Bangor, in Maine.

Mary-Lynn: Hello, Larry. I love your show.

Larry: Thank you, Mary-Lynn. And you have a question for our guests, the Titans, from Jump City?

Mary-Lynn: Yes, Larry, I had a question for Robin. Robin, I've always wondered, is it "Batman", or "The Batman"?

Robin: Um, either is perfectly fine, Mary-Lynn. Whichever you prefer.

Mary-Lynn: So, if you were talking to Batman, would you say "Hello, Batman", or "Hello, The Batman"?

Robin: Um, I would probably just say "Hello" I guess. But, "Hello, Batman", would be much more likely than "Hello, The Batman", I would have to imagine.

Larry: Thank you, Mary-Lynn from Bangor. You know, Robin, that question got me wondering, when you kids are just hanging out, in your hangout, do you ever call each other by familiar nicknames? Like, would you be "Rob", or "Bin" possibly?

Cyborg: Oh, it's "Bin", most definitely. We all just call him "Good Old Bin".

Beast Boy: I call him "The Robin". Just ask "The Raven".

Starfire: This is mischief.

Raven: Um, I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, I missed the question. What was the question? Ask Raven, what?

Starfire: It is nothing, dear small one. Merely mischief and foolishness.

Larry: You know, that's really sweet, the "dear small one" thing. It's kind of of like, there is almost a Shari Lewis and Lambchop dynamic between you two girls.

Starfire: Thank you, good Larry.

Raven: Um, yes. I am a lamb chop, thank you.

Larry: And, our next caller. Errol, from Toledo, Ohio. You had a question for the Teen Titans, Errol?

Errol: Yes Larry, love the show, I was just wondering, in the opening segment. Did Raven really say that she worshipped Hank Azaria?

Larry: I'm almost sure that she didn't, Errol. I'm pretty sure that I'd remember that. Would you like to add anything, Raven?

Raven: Um? Azaria? What? No, I never said anything about Hank Azaria. I might have mentioned a word that sounds like Azaria, but no it's not, no, of course I don't worship Hank Azaria.

Larry: So, there's your answer, Errol. Raven of the Teen Titans, definitely not a fan of Hank Azaria. Our next caller...

Raven: Um, Larry, wait. I didn't mean I wasn't a fan of Hank Azaria, I just meant I didn't literally worship Hank Azaria, as a deity. That's what I meant.

Larry: Our next caller, Glenda from Pensacola, Florida. What was your question for the Titans, Glenda?

Glenda: Yes Larry, I would just like to ask that Raven person why she hates Hank Azaria. How can anyone hate Hank Azaria?

Larry: Well Raven, what is it with you and Hank, anyway?

Raven: No, Larry, no. I don't hate Hank Azaria. I've never even met him. I just, I do not worship, idolize, or venerate him. That's all I was trying to say.

Larry: And, our next caller. Thomas, from Austin, Texas. Did you have a question for the Teen Titans, and Raven, who apparently has no use for Hank Azaria?

Thomas: Yeah, Larry. I have a question for that little bluey-turquoise-haired filly, the one that's so dead-set against that Hank Azaria.

Larry: I'm guessing he means you, Raven.

Raven: No, wait please. This is, this is all getting twisted around. Thomas, I swear that I do not hate Hank Azaria. I don't even know who he is, really. This is all just a huge mistake.

Thomas: It's all right darlin, I'm right with you all the way on this. I've met that polecat Azaria three times, and each time I felt I was in the presence of something ungodly. He's really some kind of devil, isn't he? Him and his danged freak demon voices. That's why your denouncing him, so he can be unmasked as a servant of the Great Serpent, right?

Raven: What?! I never said that! I never said anything like that! Somebody, help me. Say something, somebody please!

Beast Boy: Okay, I'll say something. Ahem! Azaria, Raven will cast thee out! Unclean spirit, begone! Tee-hee!

Raven: No, no, wait! Please...

Larry: And our next caller, well, this is a surprise. Our next caller is in fact, Hank Azaria. Hank, would you like to comment on Raven's occult crusade to unmask you as a servant of darkness?

Hank: You're damn right I would, Larry. I would like to know what I ever did to Raven and the rest of her drug-addled kindergarten terrorist cell from Jump City. So I'm a demon, am I?

Larry: Hank, you'll have to hold that question, the drug-addled terrorists in question seem to have vanished. Must be a drug or demon-related emergency, somewhere. So, Hank, when did you first realize that you were the spawn of Lucifer?

Hank: What? That's not what I said, you halfwit. I'm not a demon, not a demon!

Larry: And, we will back after these commercial messages, with more of your questions for Hank Azaria, a demon in denial.

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Pause. Stop.

_


End file.
